Weightless Wednesday: My Heavy Soul

Posted by on May 4, 2012 in Single Mom, Teen Mom, The Missonal Mom, Weightless Wednesday | 4 comments

So this post is not on a Wednesday, but I giving myself some grace for how I have been feeling. It has been two weeks since my last post on My Heavy Heart and quite a bit has happened. You see, when God rocks your world, someone else wants to rock it too…I have often heard when He moves your heart to watch out for any spiritual warfare going on in your life. When I stepped off the plane, which was an hour late, I texted my husband that I had landed. He was driving back from Indy with the kids knowing my daughter had to be at school the next day. We discussed getting back by a certain time. When he replied back that he was enroute, I was not pleased, but texted back, “Why so late?” He called me angry yelling that he is doing the best he can, etc. I took a deep breath and chose not to retaliate…Ah, caught that right away. It was another crazy week and a half. I had an anxiety attack on Monday because I was constantly running around non stop, trying to make it here and there. I don’t get them often, only had 3 in my entire life, but I can recognize when I am doing too much and will get it under control. With all the craziness, even I fell off the bandwagon of my own healthy eating patterns, drank too much coffee and was eating foods with cane sugar, which is a no-no for me right now.

My son has a ton of food allergies, which affects his behavior. I am seeing it first hand how food does affect the mind and its thought process. Reading food labels, calling companies to find out if they have any hidden sources of corn, gluten is quite a process. Cooking and baking for him constantly is another source of stress, because he has to eat and loves to eat!

That Friday night, after a crazy week, my husband and I finally had a moment to talk. I just busted out how this teen mom on this plane moved my heart, but I am being attacked from all angles, my impatience, my relationship with him and not being upfront on how I feel about our son’s food allergies and I really need his support to be on board, the constant running around.. Yep, I just threw up all my emotions on him. (it is fun when we do that, isn’t it?) My husband, gracious and way more mature in his spiritual walk than I am really just helped me to understand, that all was ok in what I was feeling. I just said, I cannot explain the way I am feeling, I want to take ownership of my feelings and actions, but this is so unlike me. I hate that I have been so hard on the kids, my son’s irrational behavior also doesn’t help, 3 tantrums in one day is not like him, but I can’t blame him. I have felt like nothing has gone right.

But I made this awesome cake for him…may I share the pic? Since his favorite song is Wheels on the Bus, this is what I made him:

My son's birthday cake

I feel like I did something right…

Talking with a good friend who “just happened to read my blog” teaches at high school for teen moms where child care is offered so they graduate high school. She teaches health education classes through an organizations he works for called Women’s Health Foundation. She offered for me to teach a nutrition and wellness class there and the teachers would love it. So yes, I am considering it.

My husband said, when God really grabs your attention to the point He is not going to leave you alone until you do something about it, the bad guys will keep dragging your spirit down until you figure it out. I am working on it and will make it happen. I have been in an awful funk, you can even ask my best friend…but it is time to snap out of it. This week, I am getting back to my routines of eating well, exercising, getting to bed early because I have always had an attitude of no one is going to get me down. It is not a fun place to be, it is not me nor who I am.

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4 Comments

  1. You definitely have alot on your plate! You are the kind of person that takes care of everyone around you, family and strangers, and you are so used to self sacrificing that you don’t realize how maxed out you are until it slaps you in the face!!! You’ve always been such a giver! That’s what makes you so good at ur job as a mommy and health expert!!!

    • Thank you Kelly for your kind and thoughtful words. I appreciate it, means a lot to my heart!

  2. I admire all you do and all you stand for. You certainly make me think constantly about what I am doing myself and for my children. Life can get overwhelming, that is for sure. You are allowed to simply fall apart, or at least feel like you are from time to time.

    Some time last year I, who am a lot like you, started falling apart. It didn’t last long, and the final straw was something completely ridiculous but I think I just needed it. I’ve pulled together and I’ve come to a new understanding about my life. I don’t blog as much as I used to and I took a step back from social media but I am fine with it for now.

    Thanks for sharing, before you know it you will be back to yourself.

    • Thank you Cecedon, I have been wanting to blog for quite sometime, but am not going to put a ton of pressure on myself if I do not get where I would like to be, kids and family come first. I am excited to do some greater good activities in the fall in which I am working towards to give me a sense of peace in what has been stirred in my heart.

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