Earlier this past summer, my husband mentioned his next bankruptcy conference was at Amelia Island in Florida at the Ritz-Carlton. He wanted us to go with him because it was at a nice place and we should be able to relax. Me…Um..Ok, we’ll see. At first, my daughter had no school on those days at the conference, so she wouldn’t miss school. Then they changed, but we booked our miles anyways. For those who follow, my son (and I) have various food sensitivities. I can get by on cheating every now and then, except for gluten, that is a big no-no. My son however, it effects him emotionally and his digestive system….I began to go insane about my decision and learned that it was ok to say no and saying no actually saved my sanity.
But Jasmine, it is at the Ritz, you have to go, you’ll make great memories said one mom. I shrug my shoulders, Ritz, smitz, it is not like I am hiring nannies to care for my kids while I go get a massage, facial, or squeeze in a workout, we are just not that kind of folk.
Whenever we travel, I pack bags of foods, I go prepared. I bake muffins, pancakes, bring his snacks and if we are traveling, we are usually staying at another home. I do make a list and check it twice! Two-weeks ago I began to doubt my decision and having some major stress about packing all of our milks, foods, extra clothes as he is potty-trained, but well, there are accidents. My husband told me I would have to let the food thing and nap thing go. What? Let it go? I can’t, this kid needs his sleep, his naps and if he eats the wrong thing, I don’t know what kid is coming out or what issues will come out the other end? I can’t just “let it go!” Seems to be the typical “XY” response. I mean, he doesn’t have to deal with it, he’ll be in conferences for most of the day. The more I thought about it, the more I fretted, doubted, then my daughter had a cough, then an earache, I was coughing, my son started to cough, was I making myself sick not to go?
Tuesday afternoon, the day before we are suppose to leave, my husband calls and asked if I had made up my mind and I said, I just can’t go, then I began crying. I felt awful, just awful. I went on Facebook to my local Mom’s In Business group and threw up on them. The responses were just so great! “Forgive yourself!” “You made the right decision, it is not worth the anxiety” “This did not sound like a vacation, it sounded like torture!” “Always go with your gut, you are doing the right thing.” Thank goodness for these women, I mean, they get it, in fact some did it and regretted it. Then our conversation turned kinda…sexual. I guess because when my one friend chimed in, I mentioned to her I got my Bedroom Chemist Box…then the comments got turning from making special time for him on Saturday to cleaning my room… Then the other moms wanted to know more..oh la la.
Ok, back to me. When I went to see my chiropractor she asked if we were going and I busted out crying again. She said, you cannot doubt your inner wisdom. If it is draining for you, then you can be good at doing both…being a mother and a lover. I told her I secretly didn’t mind not going, I just wanted to have my time at night to do whatever I wanted, write, browse, cook and most importantly get the kids to bed early. I am sleep and food Nazi. Yes I admit that and have no shame either and don’t question me. (If you do, I will spew out research, stats and nerdy stuff you don’t want to hear). I walked out feeling still kinda sad, but better about my decision.
Turns out, my husband calls when he arrives, sick. My son was getting worse, I sound like I’ve been smoking at a college bar when I cough, my husband sounds like he is going through puberty, my son poor thing just looks miserable with his Rudolph red nose and water eyes, but you know, I am so damn glad I trusted my inner wisdom. My daughter got to go Trick and Treating out where I grew up and spend the day with their great-grandma which she really enjoyed. She didn’t miss any school, I caught up with a couple of my mom friends, even made dinner and went over there for Friday night since her husband is at school. Yes, all is good.
I have my moments, bad mom days, but I have been rock star mom this week. The little sleep I have gotten because sick kids are sleeping with me, while I sleep horizontal at the bottom of my bed, had to clean my sheets because of a very full diaper, cleaned up, threw out papers, cleaned the fridge, made muffins, made dinner, even though I had to reheat my coffee about five times before I can drink it luke warm. Learning to say no was kind of freeing. I am a people pleaser, but I would have not been pleased going to Florida. I would have been miserable mom in Florida and you know the old saying, “when mom ain’t happy…” Saying “no” saved my sanity and I am happy to welcome back my husband so we can lay in each other’s sick arms.
Oh, that Bedroom Chemist Box….I’ll keep you posted.